What is Codependency?
Codependency is when we neglect our personal control and responsibilities to take on the responsibilities of another person. We begin centering our life around someone else’s life and start to neglect ourselves, our emotions, and our boundaries. We all experience some codependency to a degree. This behavior becomes problematic when we start to over-function in someone else’s life and under-function in our own.
Where does Codependency come from?
Codependency usually develops in our earliest years. We learn to operate under a set of rules – rules about what can and can’t be said, with no direct discussion of personal or interpersonal concerns. We learn to suppress our emotions and thoughts and become attuned to making the people around us and our environment okay. We sacrifice our needs to make sure the needs of others are taken care of.
Codependency can also be heightened when we are involved in a relationship with patterns of power and control. We learn to “walk on eggshells” to try and prevent our partner or friend from “going off.” We learn to read people really well and work to manage their emotions to the detriment of our own emotional health. Codependency can happen between family members, partners, and friends.
When is it Codependency?
We may be over-functioning in someone else’s life when we carry these behaviors too far:
Giving
Fixing
Care-taking
Helping
Serving
Thinking for others
Speaking for others
Taking over
Controlling
Doing for the other person what they need to do for themselves
Under-functioning in your own life may include any of these behaviors and their consequences:
Self-neglect, including neglect of your health, money, work, and friendships
Development of physical and/or psychological problems, including anxiety and depression
Development of ethical and legal problems, including lying, misrepresentation, bankruptcy
Failing to consider yourself in decisions and planning
Skills to Stop the Cycle of Codependency
Increase awareness of your emotions.
Establish and communicate boundaries.
Take charge of the care of yourself.
Explore your pattern and how it started.
Learn to control what is controllable.
Develop the confidence to know and speak your needs.
Treatment for Codependency
Are you ready to learn healthier patterns of relating to others and yourself? Whole Self Counseling can help you explore what is and isn’t working. Schedule an appointment today!