The Power of Language to Move Us Forward
Mental Illness is the greatest unrecognized storyteller of our time. Whole realities have been crafted by the stories depression, anxiety, and shame can tell. We arrange our days and lives according to these internal stories, but we’re often unaware that this is even happening. These stories are told in the background of our mind, in the voice of our own thoughts. They tell us about ourselves, others, and the world. These stories often go unnoticed and are therefore free to do as they please without being challenged. They thrive in the shadows. Noticing and naming them are what starts to bring these stories into the light, so that we can address them and move forward.
When I started going to counseling in my early 20s, I became aware of how language can disrupt these unhelpful stories.The ending of a relationship drove me to find some sort of relief from my sadness and overthinking. If any of you have been to counseling, you may be familiar with the Thought Log from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This is a tool that helps bring awareness to the stories our thoughts are telling us. It slows the reaction process down, so can start to see what’s actually happening in our minds. This exercise literally changed my life. With my counselor’s help, we expanded my vocabulary to include words like anxiety, depression, and distortions. I began to increase my recognition of depressive and anxious thoughts and began to call them out. “Oh that’s depression right there.” Having that change in language moved me forward in my ability to manage my emotional health and ultimately led me to enter the counseling profession.
Language is a powerful tool. A simple word change, punctuation addition, or tone can change meaning. It’s what changes “Let’s eat, grandpa” versus “Let’s eat grandpa”. Punctuation can potentially save lives! There is a phrase used in the clinical community: name it - tame it. It’s the idea that if we don’t know what we are dealing with, there can be no change. It’s only when we assign language to it that we can do something about it.
Here are some of my favorite adjustments in language that change the story:
Get rid of labels
Labels boil ourselves down to one or a few things. It takes the whole breath of who we are as a human and reduces us to one characteristic.
“He’s bi-polar. She’s codependent. They’re just a depressed person.”
Instead, changing the language slightly can adjust how we view ourselves or others. Using person centered descriptions puts the individual first and not the diagnosis or concern.
“He is a person with bipolar disorder. She has some codependent habits. They’re a person managing depression.”
Develop an emotional and behavioral vocabulary
Identifying how we are using words can improve our understanding of our feelings and behaviors. Here are a few of my favorite definitions/explanations:
Anxiety: An overwhelming urge to control things that we can’t. (Dr. Henry Cloud)
Loneliness: Sadness due to feeling disconnected or unknown.
Shame: The intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging. (Dr. Brene Brown)
Anxiety and Depression: Manifestation of unfelt feelings
Procrastination: The avoidance of anxiety in the moment.
Externalizing the feeling
See feelings as something outside of who we are at our core.
I’m having an anxious thought.
This is just my anxiety telling me…
My shame gremlins are trying to make me believe…
This is depression. This is anxiety. This is my bi-polar.
Helping others
Most of us have had an experience where someone brings us a situation and we can tell right away that they might not be seeing something clearly. Mental Illness takes how we see the world and shrinks it, so instead of taking in all the information we take in a small amount. That’s where we as loved ones can come in. When being a reality tester, we want to help bring in more information for the other person to consider, but we want to do this in an empathetic way. We can also practice this with ourselves.
“That may be true, but what’s a scenario that also might be true?”
“Is there a different way to see this situation?”
“If a friend was having this thought, how might you help them?”
“What story is anxiety/depression/shame trying to make you believe right now?”
The next time you notice an increase in distress, see if you can notice the story your mind is telling you. With practice, we can start to see these stories sooner and intervene. Counseling can be a good place to work these out. It took someone else, outside of me, to point out some of the unhelpful stories I wasn’t able to see. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is an evidence based intervention that explores these themes. If you are ready to explore and challenge some of your stories, please contact me here.